Essay
At what point can we be adults and look each other in the eyes and confidently and clearly say, “we fucked up”? Can that happen soon, please? Because I am utterly tired of spending hard-earned money, limited time, and valuable consciousness (energy, time, attention) on redoing, reconfiguring, reevaluating, readjusting, researching every aspect of my Western existence and how to return to the equilibrium my beautiful and healthy and strong ancestors enjoyed.
No, we are not the most advanced civilization to ever exist. Not even close. I laugh whenever people even suggest this. We have no clue who or what we are. We do not even know the full extent of our history or where we came from. The narratives we are sold are just that. Narratives. There are too many anomalies and contradictions in recorded “history” to suggest that what we have is what we are. There is much more to us than meets the eye and I am convinced that there is an active, global force to undermine our individual power and collective consciousness. Because we can stare at genes or the stars does not excuse the miserable cesspool we live through every day.
I do not care about VY Canis Majoris; I care about how I cannot buy a bottle of water that does not contain a billion microplastics, or a cup of coffee or tea, or how the atmosphere is clogged and clogs my body with filthy chemicals that takes years to be removed, or how every restaurant and grocery store is riddled with plastic and oils and pesticides and trash that Humans slowly die from, or how our lights ruin our sleep, or how we need Wi-Fi for everything but that interferes with our brain chemistry, or how the tap water I shower under which separates me from those in developing countries is causing my loved ones and I to lose hair and get acne, or how every thing that touches my body (toilet paper, washing detergent, dryer sheets, polyester clothing, detergent/anti-perspirant, cologne, moisturizers and sunscreens, bluetooth headphones, etc) is horrible for my hormones and brain and mind. And this is just a taste.
I do not want to live in a world where every waking moment of my existence is spent worried and anxious about the ever-fucked reality that every single goddamn thing in front of me is slowly killing me and those around me. Do you understand what I am telling you? You are being killed, slowly, unconsciously. Do you not care about this?
Maybe it is the money. You cannot afford to change your grocery store or clothing outlet or bodily necessities because it is too expensive and out of the way and it would disrupt your cozy way of living. I understand. But do you not want to change? If yes, then one small step at a time is far better than no step at all.
I threw up ground beef and chicken breasts and strawberries (separately) for so long before I realized that they were the dominant foods with the most hormones and chemicals sprayed on and in them. I simply thought I was allergic. I did not suspect that my body was actively fighting and telling me to stop feeding it poison. I did not even know it was poison to begin with. Now what do I do?
I need to leave the West. I am done. I cannot live like this and I cannot raise children in this environment. The fact that we have become so accustomed to this reality is astonishing and….I am just so fucking annoyed that I spent so much time and energy trying to optimize for training, eating, and sleeping when all the little variables around it suggested that this entire ordeal is a fucked state of affairs in the West and that it will never get better until these capitalistic monsters go and we shift to a new and better mode of existence. I am not asking for socialism or communism or libertarianism or anarchism or anything, so shut up.
I am just, simply, goddamn simply, it’s so bloody simply…I am asking to not be killed with every waking moment.